Four Shift Gifts For The New Year
Dear Courageous One,
OMG. The New Year is almost here . . . soon it will be here . . . 2023.
OMGoddess! (Athena? Artemis? Aphrodite? so many A-Goddesses in Greek mythology, where I’ve been spending some of my reading time these days.)
Let’s call up Artemis, shall we, Goddess of the Hunt and ALSO, interestingly, goddess of small creatures. It is a lovely paradox: strange, yet no suprise that the goddess of the hunt would also be a protectress of creatures.
We are small creatures in a big storm (at least in many parts of northern North America these days) so let us invoke her. May we be safe and warm in our little winter nests . . . May those in danger of the cold and of hunger find shelter and sustenance. May all the smaller creatures be warm too.
We are also small creatures in these Big Days. Solstice came and went. Christmases Past roused up to delight or haunt us, depending on our experience. Christmas Present is just behind us and the New Year is now rolling in, beginning to unfold already . . .
As I write another SNOW STORM begins to blow and buffets the window. Yikes. And, how wonderful! It’s magical to be sitting here watching the storm. And writing to you. When I look up, I feel like I’m inside a snow globe . . . This photo is very meta, taken a few minutes ago (soon it's gonna be video!)
Written and storming in real time!
Isn't technology fascinating? Though not as fascinating as our brains, all those loops and explosions of thought and emotion, the mysterious organization of experience that lives in our bodies, our cells, our nervous systems . . .
In the wonderful Courageous Writers' Academy, we've been exploring Resonance, which literally means 'to sound again.' As in our creations--books, poems, paintings and other art--so in our lives: we sound through similar themes, patterns, stories. Many of these encoded repetitions are also visible, through MRI scans, in our neural pathways. (In the spring, I will offer a different, shorter and less expensive iteration of the CWA in April. Exquisite self-care PLUS expert knowledge for self-editing your own work, a craft library, and 2 x monthly live coaching calls. Drop me a line directly at karen@karenconnelly.ca or sign-up on the form below if you want to join on our waitlist.)
ANYWAY: Resonance explains the way we feel certain twinges, pains, fears, joys more deeply at heightened times; why events echo inside us. Our responses are physical, yes. Emotional, absolutely. Yet also brain-based, nervous-system dependent. We are rooms filled with resonance, physically, spiritually, neurologically.
I recently made a promise, to document shifts of mind--nudges of the neural pathways--around my own habitual patterns. (Think of resonance that . . . clangs! Or, dissonance.) This started out as my annual Manage Your Christmas PTSD project, and now extends for me (and my Insta community) into the New Year.
Here are a few shift gifts I've been giving myself regularly, and pass on to you.
These are small changes we can step into and use whenever our own patterned responses (from the past, yet still alive in our neural pathways/bodies) are getting in the way of inhabiting and enjoying the present (NOW, which we can appreciate for what it is precisely--even if it's difficult).
You could also call them, maybe, Trigger Practice. They start with the ‘easiest’ practices first, shifts we might try when we are not TOO upset or triggered, and progress to shifts we can use when we are being pushed out of our window of tolerance: feeling very triggered/upset indeed. (For many people who tend to have easier access to their emotions, the more upset we are, the more triggered, the better we tend to respond to somatic, body-based shifts because these directly affect the nervous system/our brains.)
Shift Gift #1: Humour
George Orwell said it best: Every joke is a tiny revolution. Jokes, and humour, and silly puns, and playfulness: the revolution is now, and the old story or myth waits like a confetti grenade inside a good joke. Every Friday I post a ridiculous meme on Instagram ( @karenconnellyauthor ) (sorry no link cuz I still have to wrap presents) because laughter increases the heart rate, exericises the muscle in our faces, lifts and oxygenates the lungs and therefore the body . . .
Loving up the lightness of things and being willing to laugh at ourselves can bring relief and a shift in perspective.
The embrace we all know too well . . .
Enough jokes!Shift Gift #2: Inward Quieting
And . . . I made a little video (reel) on Instagram about inward quieting. Touching in: palm to cheek. Hand to heart region. Hand to stomach. Allowing the self to grow inwardly quiet with a few breaths and touching in. This is a simple form of rest to bring us back to Now. Self-touch in this simple way is emotionally regulating. If we are not used to being touched (and maybe even if we are) this is a powerful way to feel how we ourselves can be a holding presence in our own lives/bodies.
Touching in and inward quieting is a form of emotional and nervous system regulation. If we have a pet, we can also experience how our pets provide us, and how we provide them, with co-regulation.
Shift gift # 3: Recognize and honor your experience of reality. With patients I often say: Hold the reality of the situation.
Often underestimated, but . . . facing reality is hard. (See the image above.) As a race, we truly suck at this basic executive function. We often run away from the truth together. My proof of this assertion: War in Ukraine. Climate crisis. My procrastinatory habits. Facing reality is a skill we need to develop. (Note to self.)
Enough jokes! Today I honor those who felt and still feel they must attend family functions with people who have hurt or betrayed them, with people who’ve never acknowledged or made amends for past harms. With gaslighters of all levels: there are so many. Being close to, or being civil or dutiful with these people is a great labor. Let us acknowledge that. 💙🙏🏼💙
I also honor those who spend this time alone or without family, perhaps for similar reasons or because of financial or health constraints. Whatever the reason. (Please feel free to grab the link in the browser and forward this to anyone who might find it helpful.)
We are worthy and lovable no matter who is at the table with us, no matter who is in the room. And remember: You are your own Courage Room.
Shift Gift #4: Power of Pausing to Touch In
I hope that these days have brought or will bring you joy and warm connections with family and friends. But if these days are also bringing you triggers, family strife, a tight throat/heart/roiling stomach, Shift Gift #4 can be helpful:
Remember the power of pausing to touching in.
It's not the cure, but it can help. When we feel triggered, our nervous system leaps into fight/flight/freeze/fawn . . . And other F words.
Pausing to touch in can help us shift our nervous system response. (As noted above: la toilette is a great place for taking a pause.) Butterfly hug: cross your arms and tap each side of your body. Soldier walk (walk in place and tap each thigh or knee as you lift it). And, the Four Touches--face, heart, stomach, forehead. Take a look at my YouTube Channel for a VERY low-tech example of this and a bit of information behind why it works: Pausing to Touch In (Short Video)
I also recommend: going out to the car to get something. Needing to get a bit of fresh air. Wanting to see the new _____ (Whatever!) Keep the conversation light, step out of pressurized discussions with “I don’t feel like talking about this now. Maybe we could talk about this another time.” Changing the subject is also a time-honoured tactic for self-protection.
To feel differently (this is, like, an AMAZING insight, prepare yourself) we are required to . . . do things differently. New actions. New habits. New brain maps, one electrical loop at a time. Easy to write but hard to do: brain patterns and organizations of experience are often decades running.
It takes time and focus to shift them. This end-of-year and New Year Shift Gifts.
Ding-dong! That is my habitual call to myself to wake up. It is a bit of a joke. And serious. I don't know when I started saying it to myself, to others. Ding-dong! We're here! This is it. We've arrived.
Sending you love, respect, tenderness, gifts so often in short supply.
May you be well and safe. May all creatures be able to protect their own happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering.
Bon courage,
Karen